Desperation
by librarynerd
Summary: Post 802: Arizona finds out about Callie's offer to go down into the sinkhole.


"So, a little birdie whispered something interesting into my ear this afternoon." Arizona snuggled up to her wife's side and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Oh, yeah. What's that?" Callie twisted herself so she was facing her wife.

Arizona began to trace nonsense patterns on Callie's bare shoulder. "Owen told me what you did today. Talking that man through amputating his wife's leg. That couldn't have been easy for you."

"It's the job, you know? I couldn't even get him through the whole amputation. Owen had to go down and finish."

"Which leads me to the most interesting thing he said today. He said that you tried to insist that you go down there."

"Arizona, I ..." Callie began, but she was quickly cut off by her wife's hand over her mouth.

"Stop talking. Right now, you're going to listen. I can't lose you. I have already almost lost you too many times. I need you. And more than that, Sofia needs you. Who's going to stop her mama and daddy from killing each other if Mommy's not there? You have to stop putting yourself in danger, because I already worry about you enough. And I really don't need any additional things to make me worry right now. So, no more of this, 'I'll go down in the dark sinkhole of death and despair.' No more standing in front of a loaded gun. No more riding in cars without seat belts. Okay?"

"Dark sinkhole of death and despair?" Callie smirked at her wife's phrasing, but her smile immediately dropped to a frown when she saw the scathing look on Arizona's face.

"People died, Calliope. And you could have joined them. And I know you took an oath to heal and protect. But you also took some other vows this year, in case you don't remember. You vowed to love and honor and cherish me until death. And I need you here. You won't be honoring me if you die. We have to buy the house with the chickens and dogs and all the kids running around. And I can't do all that without you. If you die, Mark will take Sofia and I'll have nothing left."

By this point, they both had tears in their eyes, so instead of replying, Callie just pulled Arizona closer into her body. She dropped a kiss on her forehead and squeezed her as hard as she could.

Just as Arizona felt her body start to surrender to sleep, Callie broke the silence. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just don't do it again," Arizona mumbled sleepily. "I can't worry anymore than I already do. I have to worry about Sofia, and her making her milestones sometimes months behind, and my patients at the hospital, and I have to worry about Karev almost dying in the OR because he sold out one of his only allies. I don't need to be worrying about you, too."

"I never meant to scare you," Callie sighed. "Owen wouldn't have let me go down there anyway. Because of you. You and Sofia. He insisted that he go instead. I just … I thought that man could do it, but he loved his wife too much to do something that would harm her, even if ultimately saved her life. And we couldn't get him out until we got her out, because he wouldn't leave her. I know that if you and I were down in that hole, there's no way that I would leave you down there.

"However, I also see your point of view. And I will do my very best not to put myself at risk again. But that goes for you, too. Because Sofia needs you, too. She'll never sleep again without you."

Arizona stayed silent, still insecure.

"Arizona, I hope you know that even if I died, Mark wouldn't take Sofia from you. He knows how much she loves you and he wouldn't do anything to hurt her."

"I just … if you died, he wouldn't have any reason to try to be nice to me. He wouldn't have the fear of you taking her away to keep him in line."

"Hey! Sofia loves you. I'm not going anywhere anyway, but even if I did, Sofia would still be yours. Mark knows that. He loves Sofia too much to take her away from her mama."

"But he wouldn't have to let me keep her. Anytime, he could just take her and not tell me anything."

"He won't. You know he won't. I'm sorry that you're-"

"Don't," Arizona interrupted. "Don't apologize for her. I love her. I wouldn't change anything about her. I just … let's just go to sleep, okay?"

"She's yours, Arizona. She is so in love with you. Please believe me when I say that no matter what happens, she's yours forever."

"I still don't want you taking unnecessary risks, okay? I get that you're a doctor and saving lives is important to you and it's your job, but I love you and I don't want to lose you. So be careful."

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again, okay? We are okay and we'll keep being okay. And Sofia will be okay." Callie wasn't used to giving motivational speeches, but it seemed being married to Arizona had given her the ability to muster up a pretty good one. "Now, we need to sleep, because your little angel won't care how much sleep we got when she decides it's time to wake up tomorrow."

"Okay. So to wrap up: no more risks. No more putting ourselves or each other in danger. We love each other too much to let anything bad happen. We need to be here for Sofia so she doesn't end up being raised by Mark." Arizona ticked each item off with her fingers as she said it.

"Deal." Callie dropped a quick kiss on Arizona's shoulder before snuggling in closer and falling asleep, completely drained after her day.

**Thanks for reading!**


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